turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
