Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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