I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
