I wannas sexs uuuuu
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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