You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize