i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
