He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
