i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
