HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
