i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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