there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
