did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
