You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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