If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
