I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
