Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize