Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
