hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
