I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
