at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
