I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
