i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
