She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
