That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
