i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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