you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
