You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
