Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need water and some morals
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
