I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
