Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
