Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
