apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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