I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
