My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
