Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
