I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
