i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
