Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
