It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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