She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
