my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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