He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
