Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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