I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
