He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
