Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
