i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
