I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
