My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
