She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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