Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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