FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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