So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
