There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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