Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
