Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
