Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
