I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize