Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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