Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
