I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
