listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
