She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sarcasm needs its own font
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
