My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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