I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
