She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
