Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
